#189 Surprise.

Bismillah. Alhamdulillah.

Hidup ni terlalu banyak surprise yang tak terduga. Well, it is not really a surprise because prior to entering into a new phase of life, we have heard so many advices, real life stories, etc etc but somehow when we experience it ourselves, we are still caught by surprise.

I love the surprises that God gave me, anyway.

And the very recent surprise is definitely about the life as a mother to our (mine and my husband's) littleman, Yusuf. Walaupun dah baca macam-macam artikel perihal tanggungjawab, cabaran, rutin seorang ibu, namun masih mengalami kejutan juga dengan posisi baru ini. The feeling is surreal.

In fact, dalam nak update blog ni pun masih saya berfikir, should I mumble about my new life as a mother, or should I just write about something general, not touching on my personal motherhood life? Tapi, blog kita, suka kita la nak merapu apa pun. Hehe. Hopefully, one day, when I look back at the old entries, I will smile at it. InsyaAllah.

From the time Yusuf came into this world, my life has changed quite a lot. Except for the first night where Yusuf was stationed at the nursery because I delivered him via c-section, and I wasn't fit to look after him. Biasanya kalau bersalin czer memang nurse/doctor tak hantar baby kat emaknya immediately because luka operate tu sangat painful. Hence Yusuf stayed in the nursery while I stayed in the single room, crying in the middle of the night, because of the pain. I even felt a heavy pain when the painkiller/epidural is still on. Dosage pun tak habis lagi, Kapaten dah meleleh air mata rasa macam kena siat-siat. Serious tak tipu. Okay, tu cerita lain lah.

So rutin sebagai ibu ni berbeza sebab the first thing in mind, is no longer about ourselves but, our child. Pejam celik, malam ni genap 4 minggu Yusuf lahir ke dunia. Dah 4 minggu juga, Kapaten struggle adjusting my new responsibility and my new role as a mother to Yusuf. 

To be honest, it is not that tough. Syukur I think I am adapting to motherhood quite well. Thanks to my 13 nieces/nephews who have trained me well to be a (good) mother. Yes, you read me right, Yusuf is the 14th grandchild of my parents while he is the 4th grandchild of my parents in law. 

Benda paling awkward untuk diusahakan sebagai ibu ialah menyusukan anak. First time mother yang tak rasa weird experiencing this, dia hebat lah. haha.

My experience in this regard, I would say that my mind set everything that I should follow. Since Yusuf had to stay in the nursery for further treatment, dalam kepala otak ni dok fikir, kena supply susu kat Yusuf, dengan harapan Yusuf segera sihat. Well, we read everywhere kot pasal susu ibu, membekalkan antibodi yada-yada. So berusahalah kita untuk mendapatkan kuantiti susu yang cukup untuk Yusuf. Pada waktu ini, I felt the struggle. But I remained positive. Because I know, being stress won't help.

Daripada 1oz, kepada 2oz, kepada 3oz, kepada 4oz and so on. Semuanya menuntut kesabaran dan positive mind set. Makanlah segala kurma, pegaga, minum air bergelen, dan sebagainya. Misinya satu je, demi anak. 

Other than the struggle to breastfeed Yusuf, I find other routines as acceptable cuma off course lah sedikit memenatkan/meletihkan. But you got to do what you got to do. Kan?

In this holy month of Ramadhan, I hope for nothing but the best of everything for my little family. Especially didoakan agar Yusuf diberi kesihatan yang baik, disembuhkan dari segala macam sakit-sakit yang menyinggah (jika ada) dan agar Yusuf membesar dengan sihat dan kuat. 

Last year, bulan Ramadhan disambut sebagai orang bujang. Aturan Allah Maha Hebat, tahun ini, bukan sahaja ber-Ramadhan berdua malah bertiga. Express gitu. Alhamdulillah.

I am a bit sad because I cannot make this Ramadhan a memorable one for my husband and I because I can't cook for berbuka, I can't prepare for sahur, I can't walk hand in hand with my husband to enjoy the smell and the busy-ness of bazar Ramadhan. Yes, I am jailed due to pantang.haha. This Ramadhan could have been a memorable one for us because it is our first Ramadhan as husband and wife. Tapi aturan Allah lebih hebat. He granted me Yusuf a few days before Ramadhan. Hence, forget about sahur and berbuka and bazar Ramadhan. 

Hopefully there will be another Ramadhan for me next year so that I can prepare sahur for my husband and I, and I can cook for berbuka. Semoga Allah beri kesempatan. InsyaAllah.

So yeah. Cukup dululah merapu macam-macam dalam entry ni. Since Yusuf is still sleeping, maybe I should take a nap juga. 

Till then.

Wassalam.